Be Still and Know

I wrote this back in January and never posted it... just thought it was interesting!


Most have heard Psalm 46:10
"Be still and know that I am God"


This can be comforting at times but for the vast majority of us this phrase drives us nuts!


God whispers: "Be Still!"
Our Response: "Excuse me? Do you know what I have to get done?"


We then begin to throw our list of worldly things at God. About 5 or 6 items later we begin to question our insanity because we are "wasting" time telling the God of the universe what needs to be done, despite the fact that he already knows.


Sound Familiar?


Well for the past few weeks, this was the only message I kept receiving. I was in the midst of stress and a short span of time to make decisions and the only help I got was "be still!" AHHHHHH! Seriously thought I was going to die. Well, good news... I didn't and I made a decision. I am now home for a while and could not be more thrilled about it. God is working in me and through people I never would have imagined. I am learning that I have healed more than I realized and that I am ready to give it all. I am ready to go and hit the front lines. The difference is that I have learned that I am not fighting for my sake, nor on my strength. I am building my fortress on the rock which cannot be moved.


The point is that being still doesn't have to be impossible.


Christina Nicole

a fresh look at life

I really need to get better at blogging before I leave for Atlanta so I am really am going to try to write at least once a week. Topic: anything.

Today's topic: food

So my church is all about food. We strongly believe in Food fellowship and I can promise you that it works. All throughout the bible Jesus had some his must vulnerable times with people over a meal. For some reason food just brings us together.

I got to see this last week at Summerscape (our youth church camp).
Friendships were created because one kid happened to sit next to another. This was so cool to watch because Monday night at dinner the room looked like little pods of kids everywhere but by the end of the week these pods had become full tables. It was just really cool to see since our camp was about fighting as one.

God has been working in me lately (well, he is always working in my life... I'm just being observant) and for some reason food just seems to be everywhere. I will admit that I tend to forget to eat or I just don't eat well, but when I do eat with somebody I learn so much more about them. I go to my mom's house to bake some random dessert with her, I go to dinner with the college group, I eat after work with a friend. It doesn't matter what it is or with whom I am eating, I am learning all the time about the people around me. I just wonder what it is about food that brings down walls. For instance, first date? 90% of the time you go out to dinner and spend the evening getting to know one another.

So anyways, God time over (maybe)... So my mom started this baking blog and you all should check it out. She is phenomenal at baking and half the time she just makes it up as she goes.

Blog site: http://jeanettesherritze.blogspot.com/

Just do it! You won't regret it, I promise!

Well, Winshape camp for communities starts in the AM so I am peacing out! More to come soon, and hopefully an update on the internship and Atlanta. Oh! So I am now, 70 days away from going to Atlanta! What?!

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers."

Acts 2:42

Christina Nicole

...the truth comes out.

So in one of the first blogs I wrote I admitted that I felt some sort of pull to missions. Well this girl is going on a missions trip to Atlanta from the end of August until December and I could not be more excited about it! Everything that God has been working on in me has just been building up for this and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for Atlanta, Georgia.

Until my team blog gets set up I will be using this site to keep updates on my trip and such. As of right now this is what I know. My goal is to reach the everyday people that still need to know who God is and the love he brings. I will be working with churches to do homeless outreach and other projects. Teaching women skills to help them find jobs and take care of their children. Working in an internet cafe helping immigrants adjust to American culture and get jobs, and finally tutoring elementary and middle school students after school. Something God has really placed on my heart is the importance of actions. Through my current job especially God has shown more than once that by acting with God's love he presents the time and opportunity to talk about him. More to come soon!

"Love God. Love your neighbor as yourself."
Christina Nicole

... I love you

I know you'll heal, these hurts can't own you

I know how it feels, to be the one that doesn't know

So here I am to show you something deep within

All you ever needed, all the love you've never known

I'm the lullaby never sung, the hug on Christmas morn

I'll be the keeper of your dreams, all your secrets are safe with me

I'll be there saying "You can do it!" when no one else says that you can

I'll be the one to take your fears, I will always hold on to your hand

Hush don't cry

I am here in the night

I will always be here watching you

I am here to say... Just hang on

I know you'll heal, the hurts can't own you

there is so much more for you to know

Just hang on a little longer, I promise this is not the end

Remember... I love you 

I have to be here with you

because I am holding every breath you breathe

I want to give you everything you need

heal all the aches, I want to give you a reason to dream

Remember to listen cause I am always here singing 

I love you

Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not" 

C.S. Lewis

Anything and Everything
Christina Nicole

Everything is changing...

I sit here. A blank slate. Not quite a blank canvas but I feel as if my painter has taken me a different direction. Everything used before will only make me more beautiful and show my full potential, so I am choosing to trust my painter as he strips away the unwanted.

I will rise to my call and that call is Jesus.

My life doesn’t matter if I do not proclaim who he is. As I am being molded through all of this confusion I am realizing more and more just how much God gave. God gave his only son. My focus is on the word only… meaning nothing left. He gave everything, and then watched him be ripped to pieces, mocked, and hung on a cross – a thief’s death. God took everything he had, offered it to the world despite the humiliation that came from it, just so that he could save us. I think about how much I have gone through, and how much it has shaped me but to be honest very few know of it. I don’t take who I am and hang it on a cross, I tend to hide it inside because I am scared. What would people say? What did people say as Christ died on his cross? If I do not open and give everything I am to God then I am not answering my call. As crazy as it seems to so many people, if I am not giving my everything to Christ then I am not fulfilling my purpose and I am done living a lie.

I did not attend Passion but I assure you my heart was there and my ears heard what God had planned for me. For me, I heard these things (I did not get to see everything) God sent Christ and Christ sent us to finish his work. Christ sent us to be interrupted throughout our normal everyday things. We must embrace those interruptions with the full love of God. He did not turn away the woman who suffered from bleeding, he stopped, spoke with her, and healed her all before going back to what he was doing. What was amazing was how much this woman had to sacrifice to go. She had to bring out into public what was considered to be unclean, then she had to admit it to everyone, and fall before Jesus’ feet in front of everyone. With faith this woman came before God knowing how the public viewed her, and knowing that she could make Jesus “unclean” but she was healed for her faith. Seriously go read it. It is Luke 8: 40-54. Jesus allowed himself to be interrupted and he is calling us to do just that.

So God I want to give all I am. I want people to see you through me and I am praying for fearlessness. And no matter what direction I take I know that you will be there, guiding my steps. God if it means you rip away everything that I think I know then let the cleansing come. All that matters is that I take all that I have and give it to you. You gave your only, and so I give mine in return. I only have one life and it is yours.

Surrender is not something that we just sing about, it is something we live; Everyday of our unknown lives. Surrender is a lifestyle and everything is about to change.

"We raise our white flag. We surrender all to you, all to you! We raise our white flag! The War is over! Love has won. Your Love has come!" 

Anything and Everything
Luke 9:57-62
Christina Nicole

I am finding love.

Do you ever feel like there is nowhere to run, no one to talk to, no place to feel safe, and just be yourself? Ever feel like the only way to fit in is be something you aren’t, to degrade everything you have built up inside of you to absolutely nothing just to believe that someone kind of enjoys your company.

Is it ok to have faith in something I can only feel, something beyond what I can see, something that others may not think is real? Is it ok to have hope for tomorrow, for a time in which I haven’t foreseen, is it really ok if my hope reaches things people just don’t understand? And what does it mean to love? Is it alright for me to love someone I have never met, someone that I have never seen, someone that maybe despises me? If love is all we need then why am I stranger to love? If love is what the world desires then why am I the freak because I can love unconditionally? Isn’t that what I am called to do, to love all with a love no one else can understand? To have faith in a love that maybe doesn’t exist, and hope that maybe others will see me show them that love?

Faith, hope, and love – that is all that is left… but what does it all really mean? To an outsider where can my heart be? To someone who just doesn’t get me am I the outsider, am I the freak, the one who means almost nothing! I want to reach the others I want them to see me for who I am, I want to be innocent and free, I want to have love overflowing from me. No pain or jealousy, rage or doubt, I want to be free living in peace and joy, beyond what may come tomorrow, beyond everything I may not know. I want to be love, and I want to be loved, but not just any love, I want to be unconditionally loved.

If I worry though, how will that love every reach me? Cause fear and worry reject the love bouncing toward me. For fear feeds from loneliness, which is not of my lover. I know I can depend on Him for anything and that I will always be loved. Even in times when all others tell me no, shove my name around, and complete the madness with hate, I know that love can always be found. I know that my name will always be called out with a gift to be sought out. A gift that no other can comprehend, because it is for me! Specifically and wonderfully made just for me.

Not saying that love is just for me! But love is shown in so many ways, and when my lover calls out my name it is my brand of love that he is reaching out with! Because I have loved in his name and sought out the needy and hurting I will always be loved abundantly. Because I have held my faith and hope out on a string for the world to see and take bites at I will always be fulfilled to my wildest dreams. And its because I dream big, that my savior is there to catch me!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:6-8a)

Love can be seen, love can be shown, it’s something this world desperately needs to know. I may not encompass all that love has to offer but I know that if I am a willing vessel that God will shine his love through me. Let a prayer from so many years ago be my prayer again every day that I breathe. Cause I am not here walking for me. I am just a piece of God’s day, I am but a pixel in the image he sees. The fear I may have known can walk straight through that door, because love and fear cannot exist in this place. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18).

God make me whole. make me clean. Teach me to see more than what my mere eyes can see. Cause Love is the need, and I need to be able to feed. Love for myself, so I can see me, for who I am, for who you are making me to be. And love for those around me, I will speak the words you speak. Let me be the house where you can shine your light, cause I am done with this world, I am setting my eyes on the prize. I cannot follow this place, but I’m here for your purpose. I am here for today, I mean nothing, but I am everything to you because I am yours. I rejoice in your truth, for it’s in you I am free. Free to stand for your Name, free dance and praise.

So once again I pray, this time for my sisters and brothers in Christ. May we all be a light to those who can’t see. May we all be the fruit for those hungry for the everlasting tree. Learn to give more than receive. Learn to be less than this world thinks we should be. Learn to be free, learn to be totally wrapped up in a savior we can’t see, but have the faith to believe. Let go, let live, learn to die everyday, for the sake of the cross. I freely give my everything… for the sake of unconditional love.

Anything and Everything
Christina Nicole

...I'm amazed

Not going to lie. Sometimes life just sucks and this is one of those times. Broke up with someone because spiritually it didn't feel right, I am alone, I pretty much hate my job, I have almost no money, not sure if I can go back to school in the fall and feel like i am utterly loosing this spirituality battle. Tonight just broke my spirit. Don't know why being around certain things really hurt me tonight but everything that was said just really stuck with me. If you can talk about strangers... what do you say about me when I'm not there?

Anyways, I'm not writing this as a pity party. I came home and decided to talk to someone I am learning to care a lot about. Sometimes I feel like I really missed my chance to get to know this person, this really amazing person but I am thankful for what I have... no matter how weird the conversations sometimes are. I also turned on some music just to help me calm down. The two of these really just started to break down some walls. Walls I honestly didn't even know were back up again. I felt something, just a little something but I consider that a win. Then the song "Amazed" came on. Don't know why this song touches me so much but it has always been a favorite of mine.

"AMAZED"

"You Dance over me, While I am unaware.

You sing all around, but I never hear the sound.

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you

How you love me.

You paint the morning skies, with miracles in mind.

My hope will always stand, for you hold me in your hands

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you

How you love me.

How Wide

How Deep

How Great

Is your Love for me"

If you know me at all, the first verse is what gets me. "You dance over me, while I am unaware. You sing all around, but I never here the sound." I feel like this is my relationship with God. I have danced and sang since I can remember and I don't think my life could exist without either one. The thing is that when I am upset or just loving on my Daddy it is these two things that help me the most. I dance, even though I don't feel like he sees me, I sing even though I don't feel as though hears me... but I know he does. In the same way he does the same to me, but I am so oblivious and taken by a life that really doesn't matter to stop and notice. Just to stop and sing and dance with the only one that matters.

Next the song builds into the Chorus which is 4 lines, 3 of which are the same!

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you.

Lord I'm amazed by you,

How you love me!

This affects me in a way that only music majors may understand. Haha! Leave it to me to bring my nerdiness into my relationship with God. This was one of the first songs I ever learned how to sing harmony to and I remember it so well. The harmonies on the chorus build to create an amazing relationship. Each "Lord I am amazed" has it's own chords, it's own melodic line, and own harmony. It is all similar, but yet still individual. I feel like my growth and change is the harmonic line and the chords. God is the constant melody. Each line can represent my growth, because it is still built off of the same thing, but it is just slightly different.

I don't know where this is coming from but just something to think about. Thinking is good right?

I am in total awe right now - It is a feeling I haven't had in a while... It's a good thing.

Right now I can truly say...

"Lord I'm Amazed by you!"

christina nicole

Psalm 30:12

...I'm singing

I have been telling myself I was going to get back on here for about a month, but I am a procrastinator and it definitely didn't happen! So my last post was slightly depressing but I feel like we all go through those times... especially while in college, spending a ton of money. So here is the update:

I did not apply or audition at Florida State - yes I chickened out but I really think SEU is right for me

I am the president-elect of CMENC (the music educator's club at Southeastern) and will be president starting in the spring for 3 semesters. Not gonna lie, this one scares me a little bit.

I passed all my classes this semester but I did not do as well as I wanted to.

I am now a gaming associate at Best Buy and actually doing a good job at it!

If all of my financial aid comes through then my next two semesters are covered :))))

I started dancing again!

I am reading 3 books: Eldest, Captivating, and Stupid and Contagious.

I started writing music again - except I am using all my new music theory knowledge.

My procrastination somehow led to me getting an HTC Inspire for free! lol

My love life has been temporarily put on hold because I am realizing that I am too focused on other things right now. Or at least I need to be. Someone has recently walked into my life an rocked my world but I am trying not to think on it too much.

Oh and I am training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon! This is probably one of my favorite things right now.

Okay, so anyways the real reason I am blogging tonight is music... as usual. Last week I started writing a song, but it was purely experimental. I wanted to prove to myself that I could apply what I learned this past year in theory to my music. I started writing using different chords and different vocal techniques just for fun and it really pulled together quite nicely. I finished it of course but the second verse was on my phone. Well I sent my phone in for service and forgot the get the lyrics off of my phone first... so they are gone. After work tonight I realized this and was slightly bummed! BUT... As I was looking over the lyrics already and reading through Psalms I realized that I used the same patterns and the same main phrase as my first song I ever wrote. I pulled it out and somehow the two actually mesh! It is kind of cool because I purposely did not chords to the first song hoping that when I understood music better and how chords work together I could write a song that didn't sound like everything else. My mind has been completely blown and I am working on how to make them work better but I will try to post the lyrics later today or tomorrow sometime!

Listen to my heart sing...

christina nicole written: Beach Freak 08'

Sing out the words from your heart

Bring forth the songs from the choir

Let the music play from all those young and all those old

hear the voices sing your praise out loud

watch the nations all begin to dance

as the earth begins to fill with joy and shout your name

Oh God you're always there

you're all I really need

Hear my heart sing

Oh God just be the one

take all the rejection

this is my one and only plea

Just listen to my heart sing

Listen to my heart sing

christina nicole

...I can finally breathe

So this semester has been complete insanity! It is already midterms and I have no idea what I have accomplished this semester... oh except the chromatic 2 octave scale on the clarinet!! That is my most recent music ed accomplishment as of 30 minutes ago :)

Lately, I can't tell where I am going or what I am supposed to do (big surprise right?) I know music ed is right but is Southeastern? I think so, I think I am just very stressed out and being pushed to my limits. FSU was an idea but then my audition opportunity closed very quickly. My question is... God if you want me here, why? What can I do to make the Music Ed program a little bit more accomplish-able! I think I need to get away from Lakeland and go do something! Even if it is just a few hours-I need to clear my head.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." - Mary Engelbreit

My goal right now: to get back on top of things and give myself some creative freedom! I am so stuck in Music Education land that I have forgotten what it is like to sit and draw for a few hours, or sit at the piano and just write... Without stupid rules! I need to get away from the lakes and go see the Beach! That is one thing that I miss a lot right now. Niceville is 20 minutes from the beach or 5 minutes from the bay. Here I am at least an hour away from the beach and I am surrounded by lakes... they are very uninspiring to me because I can see the end. I want to be able to sit and just stare at how huge the world really is.

I want to stare and see how big God really is!

Christina Nicole

...I'm finding who I am

HELLO 2011!
Okay so I am a few days late but I haven't written in a while either. In the past month I hit rock bottom with Jesus, I let a guy completely consume my mind - and for some reason he is still there but I think I at least have it handled now, OH and I got a new tattoo. Well, I think I am beginning to find myself in Christ again. It has been a rough journey from the bottom of the pits of December but I making it. I tried to live my life for Christ in order to impress my friends and a boy and ended up not living for Jesus at all. EPIC FAIL! New year, new commitment. I have been reading for me. Nobody knows what I have been reading and I haven't discussed with anyone. Because this year is about me, about my relationship with my creator, my lover, my savior. Starting the year by reading, "Captivating." I have tried a few times to read it but I don't think I was quite ready for it before. I am talking it slow but it just feels right now. I don't know where God is taking me but I know for sure it is away from my safe shelter of "I'm one of the guys." It is a year for change, I feel it coming, but I am finally ready for it.

... I feel like I am stuck in the waves.

I can't seem to find my way up
One wave knocks me down another
comes and keeps me under
I'm finding it hard to find
a place to breathe
a moment of air, of freedom, of peace.
A letter is a piece of paper so why
does it determine my future
how can something so small and so
ordinary possibly decide my fate of six
months in the future.

This is about how I feel right now. I am incredibly lost and confused about what might happen when I mail off my letter tomorrow. I just pray God will keep watch over it and provide the people who will review my case with the wisdom to make the correct decision. I can't sleep, I keep giving myself asthma attacks from stress, and I am beginning to start getting sick - like my stomach. I just need this to be done soon. I really need to find my peace and quite time. I need my oboe to get here now... maybe the music will help me sort through my jumbled thoughts...

I guess what I am saying is I
just need a friend. I just
need a hand from someone
looking in. I know there is light
out there somewhere, I have seen
it all before, but for now it just the
dark of night holding me tight.
I know you'll find me, if I just can
focus on what I need. If I just can focus
on the purpose for which I am sitting here.
There has to be something, that I
am not seeing. Something beyond this last
wave crashing over and pushing me away from
all those who see.

ps. I decided that I am facing my fears and I am going to enter a song or two into a songwriters contest. Also my school has an arts contest that I am going to make a music video for... Those of you who have read/heard my music do ya'll have any suggestions on which ones I should use/think about using.

love you all!
Philippians 4:12-13

christina nicole

... I can learn to be me

So recently one of my dearest friends lost her grandfather and it brought back so many memories of my grandpa. I tried not to think about it cause I was with here and her family to be with them and help in whatever way I could... but I couldn't help it. My "papaw" as we called him was the one person who loved me for everything I was, and I know he is up in heaven and watching me grow into who I want to be. Papaw was never someone I had to impress, and I never felt that I had to earn his love. He was always there with open arms, always asking about what I was doing and he showed me that he cared about everything I did! I was in 2nd grade when he passed and I remember all of this. It blows me away. He was/is the one person that I don't feel like I have to impress and as crazy as it sounds I heard him last night. We were driving down to Tampa and I was just restless so I started praying and I just kinda said "God I need to talk to Grandpa for a minute" and I know it sounds crazy but he was there, I know he was, and even if it was God all I could here was "I am so incredibly proud of you!" I just needed to hear it from someone... anyways the purpose of this blog wasn't to make you go "aww poor Cricket" but it is more of a reassurance to myself. It's the beginning of stepping over my past stumbling block. I'm beginning to realize that I can't live in the past, I have to move on, and I have to learn to be me! It's a long road but I have someone who knows all the answers :)

I have to move on
I have to stand on my own two feet
I can’t continue to live in my fears
I have to move on, beyond you and me

I’m sorry it just can’t be any other way
I will always love you
But for now I have to move on
I have to learn to be me

I will never be perfect
And the hurts I have gained may never go away
But I can learn to forgive
I’ll get there someday

I’m sorry that it just can’t be any other way
Remember I will always love you
I have to go on and leave this be
I have to move on and learn to be me.

I can’t turn back time
And I can’t make you change
I hope one day you learn
that you can't change me, this is who I want to be

but for now just remember I'm sorry
sorry that it can never work
that I can’t be there and I can't be perfect
I’ll learn to live and I’ll learn to cope

I have to live my own life
Turn my world inside out
And stop living in my past
I have to stand up
I have to move on
I have to learn to just be me

Christina Nicole

... I can watch it all happen.

So I finally moved in with Matt and Rita in Tampa. It's odd cause I feel in the way sometimes but what was awesome was getting to spend time with their families. Especially Rita's! I can't help but feel loved when I am around them. I have been blessed with a very dysfunctional family (don't get me wrong it isn't easy but I love them all the same) and now I somehow have become apart of something I have never deserved! This weekend first of all they let me carpool with them... doesn't seem like a lot to most but it was just the start. Then for the second time they paid for all my meals and Mama Dailey even bought me a magnet from the Florida Aquarium Today. So maybe it doesn't mean a lot to anyone else but to be apart of something that functions, something that isn't falling apart somehow helps to put me back together.

Here are some of the things I observed this weekend. #1 Devin and Rita's relationship. Probably one of the relationships I am most jealous of. Not only do they love each other, but they have pride in the other one. And even though they joke and stuff they both care a lot. One of my favorite parts of this week was definitely hanging out with Devin while Rita was at Orientation. All day you could hear how proud of his sister he was. We toured the arts department and just talked while running errands but a good bit of our conversations ended up on the subject of her. And then when we all were in the car together he was asking questions about what classes she was taking and other stuff to do with her school... he cared enough to ask, he wanted to know EVERYTHING. I have never seen that before and most definitely have not experienced it. Something I hope to one day find.

Then her mom and dad. Always making sure I was there. Always making sure that my allergies weren't bothering me, or that I could find something to eat at the restaurant no matter the cost. Then there was one time I looked up at dinner and her Dad was looking at me and smiling. I have no idea why or even if he was smiling at me but I just had a warm feeling. I watched them look over their kids and talked with them and everything just dripped love...

I don't really know what all of this means or why I felt like writing about this, but something inside me can't help but smile when I think about it... more to come in the next few days!

"Let Love be the only thing they can see"

Christina Nicole

...I find Peace again!

So as much as I have tried to disguise it, I have been a mess the past two weeks. Peace was not something that I could get a hold of! Well, after a week of my best friend literally having no communication with me I got a hold of myself and faced the nature of the beast... that beast being miscommunication. After a long talk everything is great again, so much has to be done but I can't wait to see what is ahead.

Also, with the whole moving thing I had two dates in my head. Aug 2nd and July 20th. I have been trying to decide which day and really praying about(as I watched my world in Niceville fall apart). Much to my disgust, I got my answer... August 2nd! Ugh, yesterday I hated the idea of it but now I am interested see what is in store for me cause I feel like another piece of me/my future is about to be revealed.

Sunday in service the main line of the sermon was "What you do in times of desperation will determine your destination." At the time I was focused on a friend and helping her in her time of desperation, but what I didn't realize was that I am in one right now. But I am on the other side of it. I am not alone in the cave of Adullam! I have gotten past that part and now God has led others who are hurting to me and I am developing my army! kinda lol. Well, that is what happened to David but you get what I mean.

Anyways I just felt like posting cause I haven't in a while.

I found peace again. The perfect ending to the worst week! Thank God!

christina nicole

....I am amazed

So today, I had three things happen that just truly blessed me! First of all, Matt and Rita found an apartment in Tampa! Yay! That is one less stresser (ok, well maybe not for me but still). I also talked to my roommate for the first time today! I finally got up the courage to text her and we talked for a little while and found each other on facebook! I am actually really excited to get to know her... she seems really cool!

Finally, actually I think this happened first in my day but still. Today at work I had this woman come through my line. She was a little bit bigger and had had some sort of surgery recently so she asked me to use paper bags and fill them lightly. She also needed assistance to her car. Seeing that I was in no-man's land at register 1 I of course had no bagger. Under normal circumstances her requests usually would have been an annoyance, but she was so nice about it and kept apologizing and I actually didn't mind. Anyways, as we were talking she asked me about school and stuff, and when I told her I was studying music education and missions, she went on to ask me about where I went to church. Well after the conversation had kind of died down and I was nearing the end of her order she handed me a $20 bill and made me promise that I would use it for school books and stuff! I was soooo shocked! Partly, because this complete stranger was giving me money and trusting me, but also because this past week I have been praying about my finances because I have found out that I am $5000 short of paying for my first year of college. I seriously could not believe it and I still can't! I have been on cloud nine since then because it is just like I saw God today (I know that sounds corny) lol. No, i didn't see "God" but I saw him use someone else to bless me! and it was kind of a reassurance to me that he will take care of it all!

Oh! I also am approximately 59 days away from moving! I have been working my way through Matthew, but I kind of am looking for something that will take me the rest of the time until I go to school! If I had thought about it sooner I would have read Psalms or Proverbs but its a little late for that now. haha

well, I am out for now! I hope everyone is having an amazing week despite the oil reaching our beautiful beaches :(

christina nicole
Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

... I can find a friend.

Tonight I had an intense talk with my best friend and it only made me realize how much love I have for this person. This person means more to me than I thought and it took a church service this morning to realize just how much he means to me. This morning we talked about friendship and what it means to be a friend. The example that they used was the friendship between David and Jonathan... two of the most unlikely people to be friends but what really hit me is that "an immediate bond was forged between them" by God. Another version I have says that "Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." (1 Samuel 18:1)

David: the man God appointed to be King of Israel
Jonathan: the heir to the throne

David became closer than a brother to Jonathan and he did anything to protect him... even though David would take the throne and Jonathan would STILL be second in command, only not to his family, but to a Shepard boy from Bethlehem (which at the time was a very lowly city).

so what is a friend?

1.) a friend realizes the challenges in that relationship. They don't run away from them, or try to act like they don't exist. They tackle them head on TOGETHER and work through them in order to figure out how to make the friendship work no matter what! challenges can also be conflict. Conflict has to be dealt with. and you know what! I don't care what anyone says, conflict is healthy for any relationship! But it can serve two purposes... it can destroy or it can establish an even stronger bond.

2.) a friend is committed to you. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO! a friend stays put and says "I don't care what you do, or where you go - I will still love you, and I will still stand here!"

3.) a friend protects you. Whether you want your friend there or not, a friend will get involved in your battles and head up the army so that you don't have to fight alone!

4.) a friend will not let you abandon your dreams! They are there to remind you of your dreams, to help you get back on track when you loose your focus. One of my favorite quotes is "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words!" I feel like this says everything, at least to me! A true friend knows you inside and out and won't let you forget your desires and won't let you give up!

5.)finally... a friend is a friend for life. Did you hear me! I said FOR LIFE! You can't get rid of me! I am hear for good. David and Jonathan faced so many trials that could have easily ripped them apart... they spent years apart from each other, but yet they still remained friends until the end when Jonathan was killed in battle. and You hear David speak about their relationship in 2 Samuel, about how important Jonathan meant to him! Proverbs 17:17a says "Friends love through all kinds of weather!"

Proverbs 18:24 "Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family."

Now, by no means did I come up with any of this, but I did find this interesting. This is the THIRD time I have encountered this story and "friendship" since Wednesday. So I really wanted to take the time to think about it. I'm not one who has a lot of "friends" I have a lot of acquaintances but as far as people who will keep up with me after I leave Niceville, I could probably count them on 2 hands (which is much better than it used to be). And then the conversations I have had today, it just blows my mind! I have a new developing friendship with someone I haven't seen in years, but they actually seem to genuinely care and I don't understand why! I have an engaged couple... that enjoys my company! and I have the best friend that anyone could ever ask for! Don't get me wrong, I have many other people that mean so very much to me but these four people have really been on my mind the past few days. These four people and my bizarre friendships with them. But, for now I have one that needs a little reminder of why we are friends. So if David and Jonathan are the "biblical example" here goes everything... total vulnerability. this is for my best friend!

1.) A friend realizes the challenges/conflicts. Did You know that we have never not resolved a conflict! and none of them have ever ended badly! Did you also realize that we are polar opposites when it comes to personality but yet somehow it still works. Yeah, I go out with big groups, but guess what you sacrifice too. You step away sometimes to come watch a movie with me cause I don't want to be with a bunch of people, and you will go inside Dairy Queen and eat a blizzard with me so that I can be a foolish little girl for 5 minutes.

2.) A friend is committed to you no matter what! Alright, guess what you tried to get rid of me because you thought it would be better for me, but you know what It didn't work! Remember when you also helped me through all my other broken relationships despite fears of your own about ours!

3.) A friend protects you. Dude, you have been leading the army in like 90% of my battles! You are the one to get heated because such and such said this or did this to me. when I just tried to take it and hold everything in, you were the one standing there saying "Its okay to go talk to them about it!" well maybe not exactly like that but still you get what I mean.

4.) A friend will not let you abandon your dreams. Alright, seriously now think about me when I met you. I honestly did not think I could sing or could ever make it in any music career. You helped me find the strength to keep going. You were the first one to hear my songs, and you encourage me to keep writing! and guess what you are the only one with a song dedicated to them! oh and by the way, I still credit you as part of the reason I got my solo in Show Choir this year. Then with everything with ministry and trying to find where I fit into the mold, you were always there. ALWAYS! even when I said I want to be a freaking missionary! I told you I wanted to endanger my life to love others... I believe those were my exact words too haha. You told me I could do it! oh, and don't forget that I hated myself when you first met me! and had no self-confidence until about 6 months ago. Granted that wasn't all you, but without a little bit of help, some positive words to hold onto I wouldn't be where I stand right now, and I definitely would not be about to risk everything to study Music and Missions. Come on now, do you know me at all!

5.) Finally, a friend is a friend for life. As much as I know you don't believe me on this one I know it is true. Our friendship might change some but never will it die or go away. There is too much between us.

You know this isn't where I planned this to go. But sometimes it isn't about the crowd but it is about reaching the one. and if I can't reach the person that means the most to me right now, then how can expect to reach anyone else! I have to try to show you that it isn't one sided and if it means proclaiming to the world what our friendship means to me... so be it! I don't give up and I know you don't either. There is so much on the other side that you and I can't see! Just remember, I have been given white Puerto Rican blood now! :) "a true friend sticks to you like family!"

While the second half of this post was kind of intended for one person, my challenge to you is to examine the friendships in your life. What are they like, what could be better! and what can you do to better the other person's view of the relationship. Sometimes I get so caught up in what I am doing for my best friend that I forget to stop and look at what he is doing for me! How he has impacted my life and what my life would be like without him!

As corny as this sounds, for close to 3 years I prayed for a friend...
... and I got so much more than I ever expected!

love
christina nicole
Proverbs 18:24

here by the water...

to me "here by the water" is something deeper than I have ever known. I have been blessed to live 20 min away from the gulf of mexico my entire life and the water is something that I have always connected with, somewhere where I always connect with God. Whether it be on the beach, looking over the bay, or a pond, or just dancing in the rain, somewhere I always find him, when I am... here by the water. so in a way "here by the water" represents my relationship with God and it is where I feel closest to him.

Before I write out the song, I kind of need to explain it. I already explained the water thing, but this song is about a relationship. I have been reading this book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and it really has turned my world upside down. It talks about how we are supposed to love God and how God shows us he loves us, and the kind of relationship God desires with us! It really is amazing! But anyways, when I talk about God I talk about the relationship aspect of it all first! For me, it is so important to know that he is just like a human man... well kinda. But he is also just like a woman, after all, he did create us in his image. He longs to be desired, wants us to be thinking about him, talking to him, but he is still strong, a protector, and the greatest teacher. But a lot of people miss the tender side of the relationship, the intimacy between God and well in this case... me. I will try to put up a recording later but for now, here is my newest song. oh and by the way, it is two voices. Everything in parenthesis is the "God figure."

"Here By the Water"
by christina nicole

I can't feel you all the time
(I'm here listen for my voice)
I can't see what's up ahead
am I really safe from harm (follow me you're safe from harm)
I can't let Go (Just let Go)
of the fear I have inside
How can I know if you are here with me (I am Here)
here by the water

(won't you let me
show you how to live
show you how to love
I wanna be on your mind tonight
I wanna be yours
So won't you stay and dance with me
I'll teach you how to sing and be free
I wanna be all you ever need
I wanna be yours
Here by the water)

I'm listening, I'm here by the water
No reflection, to show where I stand
I need you to show me
take my hand and lead me
through this land of shifting sand

(I'm here by the water, I'm holding you close
my words come with the wind, are you listening
take my hand and I will lead
we'll go through this together
let my light show you what to see)

Lord I'm cryin'
Show me how to live
won't you show me how to love
I wanna see you in my reflection
I wanna be yours
so won't you show me how to dance
and teach me how to sing
I wanna be wrapped up in your arms
I wanna be yours
here by the water

when the waves crash all around me
I know I'm safe in your arms
When the oceans growing hungry
I know you won't let go

I'll take a leap of faith, I'll stand with you today
my life's worth living cause you never even step away
I'm growing stronger too, because my love in you
here in the water where I'm learning all that I can do

Lord I'm cryin' (won't you let me)
Show me how to live (show you how to live)
won't you show me how to love (show you how to love)
I wanna be on your mind tonight (I wanna be on your mind tonight)
I wanna be yours (I wanna be yours)
so won't you show me how to dance (i'll teach you how to dance)
and teach me how to sing (how to sing and be free)
I wanna be wrapped up in your arms
(I wanna be all you ever need)
I wanna be yours (I wanna be yours)
here by the water

christina nicole
Matthew 11:27-30

...I'm being different.

So, I started trying to think of a creative way to say Hello. I looked up all sorts of different languages but nothing really stuck out to me. So... Hi! my name is Christina but I have always been Cricket since I can remember.

A little about me: I LOVE music! I live, sleep, eat, breathe, music! and one day I am determined to at least be able to play most instruments! Music is such an outlet for emotions kept up inside of you and I can't express how much joy it brings! But of course while I love music, my main passion is expressing to others my love for my God especially through my music.

"I am about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you.God, my God, I can't thank you enough!" Psalm 30:12

While music is my passion and I am "studying" music in school, I want to go into missions. There I said it... I want to be a missionary. Wow! that feels good to say, so congrats on being the first to hear that.

So why is this entitled, "I'm being different?" Well, at first I always said that I would never blog because... EVERYONE does it! Okay not everyone, but as I was reading one of my friends' blogs I realized, everyone has their own things to say, and no one says the same thing quite the same. So whether one person reads this or a thousand people read this, I have something to say, and I know of at least one person who thinks it is important :) so here I am... I am being different, but what does that mean. Romans 12:2 says "Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God, You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." So the question I ask is how am I being different, or how are you different?

Think about it... how many people are actually okay with not fitting in?

...with "being different"

christina nicole
Romans 12:1-2