“I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you."

Ezekiel 36:25 (The Message//Remix)

Monday, July 4, 2011

...I'm amazed

Not going to lie. Sometimes life just sucks and this is one of those times. Broke up with someone because spiritually it didn't feel right, I am alone, I pretty much hate my job, I have almost no money, not sure if I can go back to school in the fall and feel like i am utterly loosing this spirituality battle. Tonight just broke my spirit. Don't know why being around certain things really hurt me tonight but everything that was said just really stuck with me. If you can talk about strangers... what do you say about me when I'm not there?

Anyways, I'm not writing this as a pity party. I came home and decided to talk to someone I am learning to care a lot about. Sometimes I feel like I really missed my chance to get to know this person, this really amazing person but I am thankful for what I have... no matter how weird the conversations sometimes are. I also turned on some music just to help me calm down. The two of these really just started to break down some walls. Walls I honestly didn't even know were back up again. I felt something, just a little something but I consider that a win. Then the song "Amazed" came on. Don't know why this song touches me so much but it has always been a favorite of mine.


"You Dance over me, While I am unaware.
You sing all around, but I never hear the sound.

Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you
How you love me.

You paint the morning skies, with miracles in mind.
My hope will always stand, for you hold me in your hands

Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you
How you love me.

How Wide
How Deep
How Great
Is your Love for me"

If you know me at all, the first verse is what gets me. "You dance over me, while I am unaware. You sing all around, but I never here the sound." I feel like this is my relationship with God. I have danced and sang since I can remember and I don't think my life could exist without either one. The thing is that when I am upset or just loving on my Daddy it is these two things that help me the most. I dance, even though I don't feel like he sees me, I sing even though I don't feel as though hears me... but I know he does. In the same way he does the same to me, but I am so oblivious and taken by a life that really doesn't matter to stop and notice. Just to stop and sing and dance with the only one that matters.

Next the song builds into the Chorus which is 4 lines, 3 of which are the same!
Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you.
Lord I'm amazed by you,
How you love me!
This affects me in a way that only music majors may understand. Haha! Leave it to me to bring my nerdiness into my relationship with God. This was one of the first songs I ever learned how to sing harmony to and I remember it so well. The harmonies on the chorus build to create an amazing relationship. Each "Lord I am amazed" has it's own chords, it's own melodic line, and own harmony. It is all similar, but yet still individual. I feel like my growth and change is the harmonic line and the chords. God is the constant melody. Each line can represent my growth, because it is still built off of the same thing, but it is just slightly different.

I don't know where this is coming from but just something to think about. Thinking is good right?

I am in total awe right now - It is a feeling I haven't had in a while... It's a good thing.
Right now I can truly say...

"Lord I'm Amazed by you!"

christina nicole
Psalm 30:12