... I love you

I know you'll heal, these hurts can't own you

I know how it feels, to be the one that doesn't know

So here I am to show you something deep within

All you ever needed, all the love you've never known

I'm the lullaby never sung, the hug on Christmas morn

I'll be the keeper of your dreams, all your secrets are safe with me

I'll be there saying "You can do it!" when no one else says that you can

I'll be the one to take your fears, I will always hold on to your hand

Hush don't cry

I am here in the night

I will always be here watching you

I am here to say... Just hang on

I know you'll heal, the hurts can't own you

there is so much more for you to know

Just hang on a little longer, I promise this is not the end

Remember... I love you 

I have to be here with you

because I am holding every breath you breathe

I want to give you everything you need

heal all the aches, I want to give you a reason to dream

Remember to listen cause I am always here singing 

I love you

Though our feelings come and go, God's love for us does not" 

C.S. Lewis

Anything and Everything
Christina Nicole

Everything is changing...

I sit here. A blank slate. Not quite a blank canvas but I feel as if my painter has taken me a different direction. Everything used before will only make me more beautiful and show my full potential, so I am choosing to trust my painter as he strips away the unwanted.

I will rise to my call and that call is Jesus.

My life doesn’t matter if I do not proclaim who he is. As I am being molded through all of this confusion I am realizing more and more just how much God gave. God gave his only son. My focus is on the word only… meaning nothing left. He gave everything, and then watched him be ripped to pieces, mocked, and hung on a cross – a thief’s death. God took everything he had, offered it to the world despite the humiliation that came from it, just so that he could save us. I think about how much I have gone through, and how much it has shaped me but to be honest very few know of it. I don’t take who I am and hang it on a cross, I tend to hide it inside because I am scared. What would people say? What did people say as Christ died on his cross? If I do not open and give everything I am to God then I am not answering my call. As crazy as it seems to so many people, if I am not giving my everything to Christ then I am not fulfilling my purpose and I am done living a lie.

I did not attend Passion but I assure you my heart was there and my ears heard what God had planned for me. For me, I heard these things (I did not get to see everything) God sent Christ and Christ sent us to finish his work. Christ sent us to be interrupted throughout our normal everyday things. We must embrace those interruptions with the full love of God. He did not turn away the woman who suffered from bleeding, he stopped, spoke with her, and healed her all before going back to what he was doing. What was amazing was how much this woman had to sacrifice to go. She had to bring out into public what was considered to be unclean, then she had to admit it to everyone, and fall before Jesus’ feet in front of everyone. With faith this woman came before God knowing how the public viewed her, and knowing that she could make Jesus “unclean” but she was healed for her faith. Seriously go read it. It is Luke 8: 40-54. Jesus allowed himself to be interrupted and he is calling us to do just that.

So God I want to give all I am. I want people to see you through me and I am praying for fearlessness. And no matter what direction I take I know that you will be there, guiding my steps. God if it means you rip away everything that I think I know then let the cleansing come. All that matters is that I take all that I have and give it to you. You gave your only, and so I give mine in return. I only have one life and it is yours.

Surrender is not something that we just sing about, it is something we live; Everyday of our unknown lives. Surrender is a lifestyle and everything is about to change.

"We raise our white flag. We surrender all to you, all to you! We raise our white flag! The War is over! Love has won. Your Love has come!" 

Anything and Everything
Luke 9:57-62
Christina Nicole

I am finding love.

Do you ever feel like there is nowhere to run, no one to talk to, no place to feel safe, and just be yourself? Ever feel like the only way to fit in is be something you aren’t, to degrade everything you have built up inside of you to absolutely nothing just to believe that someone kind of enjoys your company.

Is it ok to have faith in something I can only feel, something beyond what I can see, something that others may not think is real? Is it ok to have hope for tomorrow, for a time in which I haven’t foreseen, is it really ok if my hope reaches things people just don’t understand? And what does it mean to love? Is it alright for me to love someone I have never met, someone that I have never seen, someone that maybe despises me? If love is all we need then why am I stranger to love? If love is what the world desires then why am I the freak because I can love unconditionally? Isn’t that what I am called to do, to love all with a love no one else can understand? To have faith in a love that maybe doesn’t exist, and hope that maybe others will see me show them that love?

Faith, hope, and love – that is all that is left… but what does it all really mean? To an outsider where can my heart be? To someone who just doesn’t get me am I the outsider, am I the freak, the one who means almost nothing! I want to reach the others I want them to see me for who I am, I want to be innocent and free, I want to have love overflowing from me. No pain or jealousy, rage or doubt, I want to be free living in peace and joy, beyond what may come tomorrow, beyond everything I may not know. I want to be love, and I want to be loved, but not just any love, I want to be unconditionally loved.

If I worry though, how will that love every reach me? Cause fear and worry reject the love bouncing toward me. For fear feeds from loneliness, which is not of my lover. I know I can depend on Him for anything and that I will always be loved. Even in times when all others tell me no, shove my name around, and complete the madness with hate, I know that love can always be found. I know that my name will always be called out with a gift to be sought out. A gift that no other can comprehend, because it is for me! Specifically and wonderfully made just for me.

Not saying that love is just for me! But love is shown in so many ways, and when my lover calls out my name it is my brand of love that he is reaching out with! Because I have loved in his name and sought out the needy and hurting I will always be loved abundantly. Because I have held my faith and hope out on a string for the world to see and take bites at I will always be fulfilled to my wildest dreams. And its because I dream big, that my savior is there to catch me!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:6-8a)

Love can be seen, love can be shown, it’s something this world desperately needs to know. I may not encompass all that love has to offer but I know that if I am a willing vessel that God will shine his love through me. Let a prayer from so many years ago be my prayer again every day that I breathe. Cause I am not here walking for me. I am just a piece of God’s day, I am but a pixel in the image he sees. The fear I may have known can walk straight through that door, because love and fear cannot exist in this place. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18).

God make me whole. make me clean. Teach me to see more than what my mere eyes can see. Cause Love is the need, and I need to be able to feed. Love for myself, so I can see me, for who I am, for who you are making me to be. And love for those around me, I will speak the words you speak. Let me be the house where you can shine your light, cause I am done with this world, I am setting my eyes on the prize. I cannot follow this place, but I’m here for your purpose. I am here for today, I mean nothing, but I am everything to you because I am yours. I rejoice in your truth, for it’s in you I am free. Free to stand for your Name, free dance and praise.

So once again I pray, this time for my sisters and brothers in Christ. May we all be a light to those who can’t see. May we all be the fruit for those hungry for the everlasting tree. Learn to give more than receive. Learn to be less than this world thinks we should be. Learn to be free, learn to be totally wrapped up in a savior we can’t see, but have the faith to believe. Let go, let live, learn to die everyday, for the sake of the cross. I freely give my everything… for the sake of unconditional love.

Anything and Everything
Christina Nicole