“I’ll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you."

Ezekiel 36:25 (The Message//Remix)

Friday, August 20, 2010

... I can learn to be me

So recently one of my dearest friends lost her grandfather and it brought back so many memories of my grandpa. I tried not to think about it cause I was with here and her family to be with them and help in whatever way I could... but I couldn't help it. My "papaw" as we called him was the one person who loved me for everything I was, and I know he is up in heaven and watching me grow into who I want to be. Papaw was never someone I had to impress, and I never felt that I had to earn his love. He was always there with open arms, always asking about what I was doing and he showed me that he cared about everything I did! I was in 2nd grade when he passed and I remember all of this. It blows me away. He was/is the one person that I don't feel like I have to impress and as crazy as it sounds I heard him last night. We were driving down to Tampa and I was just restless so I started praying and I just kinda said "God I need to talk to Grandpa for a minute" and I know it sounds crazy but he was there, I know he was, and even if it was God all I could here was "I am so incredibly proud of you!" I just needed to hear it from someone... anyways the purpose of this blog wasn't to make you go "aww poor Cricket" but it is more of a reassurance to myself. It's the beginning of stepping over my past stumbling block. I'm beginning to realize that I can't live in the past, I have to move on, and I have to learn to be me! It's a long road but I have someone who knows all the answers :)

I have to move on
I have to stand on my own two feet
I can’t continue to live in my fears
I have to move on, beyond you and me

I’m sorry it just can’t be any other way
I will always love you
But for now I have to move on
I have to learn to be me

I will never be perfect
And the hurts I have gained may never go away
But I can learn to forgive
I’ll get there someday

I’m sorry that it just can’t be any other way
Remember I will always love you
I have to go on and leave this be
I have to move on and learn to be me.

I can’t turn back time
And I can’t make you change
I hope one day you learn
that you can't change me, this is who I want to be

but for now just remember I'm sorry
sorry that it can never work
that I can’t be there and I can't be perfect
I’ll learn to live and I’ll learn to cope

I have to live my own life
Turn my world inside out
And stop living in my past
I have to stand up
I have to move on
I have to learn to just be me

Christina Nicole

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